Thursday, September 11, 2003

Katie’s Eye for the Brother Guy

As anyone who’s ever seen me is well aware, I am oblivious to what looks good on me. I don’t mean that in a self-congratulatory “I’m above worrying about my appearance” boast. I mean that I do worry, pathetically sometimes, but that I have no clue what I ought to look like. So when I realized my clothes were mostly old, worn-out, badly fitting, et cetera, I was faced with a challenge.

Enter my sister, fashion queen of the public high school. I brought her with me to a discount store, wherein she promptly seized a dozen overlooked shirts and pants and sent me off to the dressing room. She clearly enjoyed this more than I did: “Aw Pat, you look like a cute normal kid now!” “Hey, what’s taking you so long in there... and try these corduroys on while you’re at it!”

Katie instructed me in a few tips which I’ll have forgotten tomorrow:

1) I always buy my clothes too big, and that’s bad. I must accept that I can’t fill out a medium shirt, let alone large.

2) The way for guys to wear a long-sleeve shirt now is to roll up the sleeves exactly twice and to leave the top two buttons open.

3) Orange is a good color for me; tan is verboten. Black is always good, too.

4) Pants should be boot cut, or else shoes mess it all up. Pants are worn from the hips, not the waist.

5) Since I have brown hair, I can wear... wait, was that for the blue shirt and jeans, or maybe the tropical pattern with sweater over it? See, I’ve regressed already.

So I bought myself a few of the better (and cheaper) items. I should look a new man when I come back to Chicago. Of course, now I’m worried I’ll violate “geek chic” by looking too fashion-conscious, the dreaded “trying too hard”. Or something like that. I can’t win, and I can’t stop caring.

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