Sunday, May 09, 2004

Pointless Competitions
Or, Where Was Patrick?

This weekend was the 18th annual University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt. The list was released Wednesday at midnight, and today was Judgment Day, so each of nine teams had that much time to find, create or do 282 items, including many that had to be taken care of by a "Road Trip" to UPenn and Princeton. Examples:

#3. Mandelbrotwurst. [17 points]

#24. Eat the World's Worst Apple Pie in the biggest rocking chair… ever! [30 points]

#54. A stretcher made entirely from dental care products capable of carrying a Judge across the Midway. [84 points]

#99. A stratigraphic column of Chicago made out of Jello. [45 points]

#128. Eudaemonia. [300 points]

#142. Now that she's 18, it's our democratic duty to register Scav Inger Hunt to vote. Don't screw up the party affiliation. [18 points]

#155. Document your College Tour squadron's sing-along montage of "Movin' Right Along." [9 points]

#193. Prove that Dean Boyer is actually a robot, using the criteria set forth by Isaac Asimov, Futurama, Spongebob Squarepants, and Rugrats. [16 points. 1 bonus point if you use the wrench test for the latter]

#237. How many beads would it take to buy back Manhattan? [7 points]

#249. Make a device such that, when a Judge throws a raw egg at it at full speed, the egg remains intact. [98 points]

#266. Demonstrate conclusively that there really is a wrong way to eat a Reese's. [8 points]

#272. Build a Wankel-Rotary Engine. [111 points]

#282. A thoughtful yet brief critique of the worst item on this year's list. Remember this is constructive. [13 points]

Also, ScavOlympics took place yesterday, outside on the main quads and then in the University's new swimming pool. Examples:

1(b). Burtonian Dodgeball. At The Conclave of the Captains, we will tell you which Tim Burton characters you will represent. Style > Substance. [50 points for first. 40 points for second. 30 points for third]

That guy in the Edward Scissorhands getup... it looks like... naw, couldn't possibly be Patrick...

1(h). The Reverse Engineering challenge. Four teammembers must build a Lincoln Log cabin, homey, rustic, yet safe and trendy. Sounds easy enough, right? They'll be cuffed, blindfolded, ear-muffed, and gagged. [40 points for first. 30 points for second. 20 points for third]

1(l). A Calvin-Ball Tournament. Rules and points TBD. Bring your own equipment.

2(a). Your team's synchronized swimmers have creative free reign with only two stipulations: the performance must be no longer than three minutes, the music must be from Earth, Wind and Fire, and you must out-synch Anchor Splash. [50 points for first. 40 points for second. 30 points for third. No points if any swimmer is not smiling for the entirety of the show]

2(b) Marco! [40 points for first. 30 points for second. 20 points for third]

So, anyway, I've been involved in this all three years, but more so this year than before for two reasons: (1) I was appointed "Volunteer Coordinator", or unofficially, "Pastor Hominum" for the Shoreland dormitory team, and (2) the aforesaid Shoreland team was headquartered in my room. I had a lot of fun, and managed to go without either committing or encouraging a mortal sin (not a nontrivial task; there were quite a few items not fit to be posted here). The Shoreland team placed fourth this year, a disappointing followup to a surprise second-place finish last year. However, the unanimously hated twice-defending champion Max Palevsky team (corporately funded, soulless) finally fell as Snell-Hitchcock won the Hunt. I have a few really funny stories, but I think I'll wait and see if there are pictures first.

Also, I participated in a concurrent game of Assassins, but we'll leave details of that till the moment the game ends.

Current Task: Cleaning up my room from its abhorrent state
Current Mood: Sleep-deprived but happy
Current Music: Just finished listening to Castaways and Cutouts by The Decembrists. Not my album. Good, though.

P.S. Did I mention I'm moving to the seventh floor next year, and that Ian's one of my roommates?

P.P.S. Pirate! Dematerialize!

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