Sunday, April 09, 2006

I. Little-Used Papal Honorifics

The Popes are real, the titles ain't. Examples:

Liberius the Pretty Good but for Some Reason did not Make Sainthood (352-66)
Stephen (II) the Brief (752)
Alexander (VI) the... We-Don't-Talk-about-him-in-Public-Anymore (1492-1503)
Pope Innocent (XI) the Vacuum-Cleaner of Nepotism (1676-89)
Pius (VII), You Know, the One Who had to Put up with Napoleon (1800-23)

Courtesy of the Shrine.

II. Even Better: Harsh Truths About Catholicism
CLAIM: Catholicism teaches people to pray for the dead, which is forbidden by scripture.

This is true. Catholicism teaches people all kinds of things that are forbidden by scripture because, as Pope Dwight IX once wrote in a bull excommunicating the nation of Latvia, "we feel like it." Catholics generally say that prayers for the dead are specifically mentioned in something called "2nd Maccabees," which is not part of the real Bible, but only the phony baloney fake Catholic Bible, which also contains recipes, for all we know. The pope, as I mentioned earlier, won't tell us what's in it.
Thanks to The Medicine Box, whose comments section contained the best quote ever about the new "Gospel of Judas":

"Dear everyone:

the gospel of judas is not going to 'rock the foundation of christianity'. we dealt with the gnostics a while ago. and we won."

III. I've Been Wanting To Make One Of These For Years

This uses the Warning Label Generator, naturally enough. Brought to my attention by Happy Catholic.

UPDATE: Come to think of that, the description above doesn't apply to me as much as it did when I first came up with it. I've become more pastoral (or maybe more pusillanimous) over the years. However, there are still some lines drawn in the sand:

No comments: