Friday, August 04, 2006

Reports of my demise were greatly exaggerated.

Reports of my foolishness, though, were right on target.

So, after going to the Residency Office in a panic, I found out that I had made CA residency after all, but they hadn't updated Bear Facts yet, so my check online had told me that I was a non-resident (after they sent me an e-mail saying that I should check Bear Facts, where my residency status would be updated based on their decision).

And it's been a day of things that make me smile: a column about grandfathering in the Chronicle, a girl wearing a Dinosaur Comics cephalopod T-shirt, a miniature bulldozer driving through the door to the library. And those are just the things that don't affect my life. What a difference a day makes.

Still, I have to admit that my level of (I have to say it) angst over the last few weeks has been entirely disproportionate to its putative external causes (and the other phases have been semi-manic). Something's awry with me, and I don't know what.

There are days when reality all makes sense again, God's in His heaven, and I see so much beauty in the world that I want to rip it apart and find the truth at the core. And there have been days where I'm sure I'm just a collection of molecules with grandiose delusions. It's not that I have any new ideas that push me between these extremes; my moods lead me to obsess on one set or the other. I just can't recall it ever being this bad before.

On the plus side, if it's true that I'm just a 22-year-old kid, this might just be adolescence upon me. It's about time; I can't wait to be able to grow a beard.

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